a few weeks ago, I was having a conversation w/ one of my closest gfs about our wknd mornings. she made a comment about how most saturdays, she purposely wakes up earlier so that she can have 'time for herself.'

this made me realize as of late, I never take time for myself.
& I wonder why I'm on the brink of the anxiety attack of all anxiety attacks. 

my wknd mornings generally consist of: setting alarms for plans, rolling around restless & nursing unnecessary hangovers. none of this includes finding time for myself, finding time to do what I want. I've been irresponsibly pushing my needs to the side, on account of others and on account of avoidance...and w/ a jam-packed november schedule, I've got to check myself before I wreck myself.  

one of my greatest flaws is my inability to connect w/ my own emotions. so when I'm under 300lbs of stress, my first focus is on those around memy boyfriend, family members, friends, coworkers. so much so, that however I'm feeling is irrelevant, and for someone like myself, that's ideal...on most occasions.

the moment things become no longer "ideal" is when I involuntarily explode on the (sometimes innocent) sucker who said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I've quickly learned how shameful it feels to apologize for being "psycho," so here's what I'm doing to feel better mentally:

1. TAKE TIME: finding "me time" regardless of the circumstances. if it means I have to wake up at 5:45am, I'm waking up at the crack of dawn. *already yawning*
2. WORK OUT, CONSISTENTLY: I'm a significantly happier human when I'm active, and I know you are toowe all are. it's a proven health fact ☝️
3. READDDD: reading used to be my greatest escape, & it's disappointing how little I do it now. not anymore! going fwd, I will pick up a book before I turn on my tv. 
4. STAY ORGANIZED: when I'm unorganized, it feels like the end of the world. I spend more time scattered than productive. I need to re-open my agenda & re-prioritize my tasks, goals, etc. 
5. (TRY TO) MEDITATE FOR 5MINS/DAY: sometimes I'm successful, other times I'm a complete failure. frustrating, I know...but practice makes perfect. right?

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